Someone once told me that anger is a drink we pour for our enemies but drink ourselves. I wish I knew who first said that. It must have been a very wise person. I want to know what else they said. Come to think of it I don't even remember who told me that. I try to be observant in life, but I still feel like I need to start paying better attention. I am missing some vital clues here. How is it that I learn so slowly?
That seems to me to be the main frustration of the human condition. For me death is not something to be feared, and yet it annoys me that I will die before I have learned everything that I want to know. Even if I live to be 120, I could not possibly have read enough books, or studied and experienced enough subjects, languages, cuisines, cultures, musics and customs. I suppose that is one of the allures of the concepts of eternal life and reincarnation. But if the ending of our life if finite, there is beauty in that too. There is beauty in having only this lifetime, to give us urgency and meaning in the now, in our choices we make regarding how to spend our precious little time here. There is poignant value in passing lessons along to the next generations. But regardless of the truth about the nature of life, whether it is just this life span or many, or an eternal life of reward or damnation, or an eternal enlightenment, there lies across almost all boundaries of beliefs the fact that we are here, now. This life is the only this life that we have. I was born as Sarah Beth. That's a life. I am living a life, in this body, with this history, this genetic makeup, in this time frame. Just that fact in itself blows me away. You might think it's funny how many times a day a thought like that crosses my mind. And when those thoughts cross my mind, then I worry less about beliefs, and learning and knowing everything, since I can't possibly ever know all there is to know. I can't reach out and pull absolute truth and knowledge out of the sky. So instead, I take a deep breath. I let go of my worry, my disappointment in myself, my impatience, my physical pain, my financial problems, my fear, my this or that complaint. Instead I pull in a breath. A breath of now, of today. I make a pledge. I endeavor to spend my time as wisely as I know. I endeavor to show my gratefulness for my life by respecting the time given to me. I endeavor to constantly rearrange my priorities if new wisdom or knowledge dictates. I endeavor to respect the time afforded to me from those who care about me and love me. I endeavor to not let my failures in these endeavors discourage me from getting up and continuing on in this pursuit. I am Sarah Beth. I am 27 years old. I want to spend my life well.
Anger is not a cup I want to drink from. Entitlement is not a cup I want to drink from. I want to drink from the cup of laughter, tears, family, joy, birth, death and life.
Thank you for being a part of my life, and letting me be a part of yours. I wonder what we will all leave behind us? I wonder where we are going? I have, at this moment in my life, a deep sense of peace. I love my family, I love this beautiful, magnificent universe, I love the mysteries and joys, even the tears and hard lessons in life. Here we all are, together.
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